i'm going home for Memorial Day weekend. the catalyst for the decision was the arrival of my parents' new computer and my interest in setting it right for them. but i really think i'll enjoy a couple days at home in Oregon with the two of them. i'm also flying home, which makes the trip a whole lot more fun. instead of spending five hours in the car, each way, i'll be spending only a couple in the airport and on the plane. that's a big deal for such a short time spent there.
the weekend? it started off so nicely. i arrived home to find my girl cooking dinner for me at my place. she made delicious food and then we bailed on our plans to get out of the house and instead snuggled together on the couch. she left a little before midnight (much to my displeasure) because of an early shift the next day. but it was the best feeling to come home and find her there. with or without the delicious food. six more months and that'll be a regular occurrence.
Saturday, Dennis and i had planned on going to the Giants game. but after packing up all the gear and taking two buses to get there, we found out that my tickets were for Sunday! oops. so we went shopping instead. i bought a couple pairs of jeans and a shirt, all well needed. we ate a filling but completely dissatisfactory meal at Lori's Diner. then back to my house on the bus. Dennis fell asleep on the bus -- still recovering from those all-nighters he pulled to finish off the school year -- so he headed home to nap and i decided to do the same.
he came back over later and we had drinks and snacks at Rohan Lounge. he drunk and me not at all, we drove around and looked at the sights before crashing back at my house for some TV. i thought briefly about heading over to Oakland to crawl into bed with my girl but it was already 2:00am and she had another early shift, so i decided against it. turned out she was still out at a work-social party anyways. so there.
Sunday, since Dennis already had plans and i was too lazy or too disinterested to find someone else, i went to the game by myself. i sold the extra ticket for $20 (below face value) to some woman waiting in line and headed in. as i walked to my seats, i noticed the lack of people inside the park and eyed the crowd at McCovey Point. i suddenly rememberd that they'd moved the game back an hour to accommodate a ceremony honoring Willie McCovey and unveiling a statue in his honor. doh! so i spent the next two hours calling a few people on my cell phone, watching the maintenance crew repair the field, eating lunch, and, well, basically twiddling my thumbs. but it wasn't the worst way to spend a little extra time. i really dig being at the ballpark.
the game was good. we won, 6-1. the people sitting around me were very nice to talk to -- older couple to my right, dad and his son to my left, two families with young kids in front of me. the two-year-old was terribly interested in either climbing all over me or playing with my shoe including putting a peanut on it to see how long it'd stay on. as his dad said, "at this age, they're kind of like cats." mid-way through the game i realized that the woman i'd sold my ticket to hadn't sat down. she never did show up and i wondered what had happened to her. all the better for me, though, as i got a little more room to spread out. managed a little sunburn, though. and only on one side of my face. now my ears are two different colors -- one a normal pink, and one bright red.
got home after the game and called Corinne. we started talking about things and i told her how i trust her but i don't trust her. she didn't like that. i tried to explain that it really didn't have anything to do with her, that some of my past relationships had really done a number on me, that i hated not being able to completely trust her, but she didn't really understand and we ended up getting mad at each other. i fumed for a bit and then called her back and told her i was coming over. we talked more when i got there and i think she felt a little better about it. but it leaves me no less irritated that i can't just relax and enjoy this amazing woman whom i've fallen in love with. i resolved the next morning to rely more on what i know about her and less on what my wildly vivid and completely insecure imagination guesses about her. she is, after all, completely deserving of my trust and anything else she wants of me. and she certainly doesn't deserve to carry around my emotional baggage.