despite good financial prospects, despite my good work, despite sticking out the nauseating ups and downs of a dot-com, i have been laid off.

that's right. i'm UNEMPLOYED. in some ways, i'm free to do whatever the fuck it is i want. like *yawn* sleep late. or wander around town looking for the best martini ... at two in the afternoon. or drop by all my friends' offices to bug them and rub in that while i may not have a regular paycheck any more, i also don't have to answer to The Man.

i'm doing much better this morning, though it's still very weird. when it happened, i was in total shock. i never saw it coming. i was walking back from explaining something to a coworker and i was pulled into a conference room. our CFO was there and i thought, "uh oh, this can't be good." i sat down, he said something along the lines of "we have to lay you off." and that was it. *poof*

i walked back to my desk in a bit of haze. my computer had been locked out and my phone turned off in the time i'd left them. suddenly, i was a leper. my coworkers were standing around in disbelief. one even couldn't shake my hand he was so surprised. i packed up my things. tried to put on a tough face. said my goodbyes and my "lets keep in touch"es. and walked out.

i have never been unemployed. i've never been laid off. i've always moved on to the next job on my timetable. and i certainly was always prepared for the end.

but this time, i had no idea it was going to happen. i was completely in the dark. i thought our new financial successes would stave off more layoffs. i'd let go of the half-hearted job search i'd done just to be safe and gone back to designing for the future. then the rug came out from underneath me.

last night, after calling a few people and reassuring them i was fine, i couldn't sleep. it started to feel really weird. i started to get a little scared. i'm incredibly employable. i'm very good at what i do. and i imagine i'll find a job without much trouble. but still. it's the unknown. while i'm prepared for this, i hadn't planned for it.

and maybe that's good for me. i'm pretty flexible when it comes to life. i take adversity well. (the, um, car accident being a good example) but i've always had a sense of security. a job to go to, financial stability. now i really have to be careful. i have to wade in waters i've only read about. i have to be UNEMPLOYED.